Its not Violating

Beyonce says: yo
Jay Z says: heyya
Beyonce says: hmm
Beyonce says: do ure parents know u have a blog?
Jay Z says: no
Jay Z says: gila ke ape
Jay Z says: haha
Beyonce says: well i think my dad jes read mine!
Beyonce says: cos of stpid firefox
Beyonce says: i baru balik
Beyonce says: then he was usin d laptop wit another tab open
Beyonce says: but then now i sit here i saw ader lagi satu tab my blog
Beyonce says: n its on d post called Fashion Flirt yg memang I tak bukak pon
Beyonce says: .........
Beyonce says: mesti dia heart attack
Beyonce says: esp wit d first post dat appears
Beyonce says: yg grotesque echoes tu
Beyonce says: m feelin awkward laaaaaaaaaaaaa
Beyonce says: shit
Jay Z : damnnn
Beyonce says: hrm
Beyonce says: i click next
Beyonce says: pastu ader google search
Beyonce says: they have searched my name
Beyonce says: ...
Beyonce says: n my bro too
Jay Z says: wff.
Beyonce says: wtf kan?
Jay Z says: DAMNNNNNNNN
Jay Z says: ure doomed
Jay Z says: tp bukan ape sgt pons
Beyonce says: its says 'Beyonce' facebook
Jay Z says: kan?
Jay Z says: HAHAHA
Beyonce says: so takperla
Beyonce says: i dont tink they read anything much
Beyonce says: jes d fahion flirt post
Beyonce says: unless bukak browser lain
Beyonce says: they think so smart or what
Beyonce says: this IT stuff all
Jay Z says: fashion flirt pon asal?
Jay Z says: bukan u buat salah pon
Jay Z says: kannnnnnnn
Beyonce says: nola
Beyonce says: i jes feel like di spy on
Beyonce says: kalo my bro tau mesti dia lagi mengamuk
Beyonce says: dia teenager lagi
Beyonce says: well my mom doesnt know abt it
Beyonce says: i tanyer dia
Beyonce says: dia suruh ask my dad why
Jay Z says: DAMN.
Jay Z says: CITE LAAA
Beyonce says: he said 'im just looking thru'
Jay Z says: what happened?
Jay Z says: owh .
Beyonce says: im reporting to u as it is happening
Beyonce says: like sooooooo omg
Beyonce says: btw.... its not exactly wrong la...cos d www is public la kan
Jay Z says: AHHAHA

Grotesque Echoes

You reach across to the glove compartment
I know it's no accident
Your hands brush against my thighs
I look at you, and wonder why
I close my eyes and take a deep breath
Its intoxicating
I feel empty, I feel full
I Exhale.

We step out of the car now
We walk 10 feet a part
I look up at the sky
Dark clouds thirstyly swallow the magenta
I feel like I want to hold you
Around you I am safe
I imagine the warmth of your body against mine
The magenta will mourn the dark clouds
I Inhale.

You try to keep close about 8 feet now
Im walking infront of you
I stop and look at you
Our eyes linger
You know I'm saying 'no'
I look away and keep moving
We reach a grotesque building of somesort
The air is thick and grey
You reach out to hold my hands to keep me safe
I pull my hands away
Im crying now, I keep walking
Drawn into the mouth of that grotesque thing.
I hear it calling to me.

Im inside now.
So many doors.
I turn around, left and right
All I hear is silence
All I see is walls and doors
No light, well just enough to see
I feel someone present with me
Who is it?
I look around frantically
Maybe its just the echo of my thoughts

My ears don't resonate my fast hearbeat
My throat doesn't get tighter
This horrific place feels like home
It's so familiar that I anticipate an occurance
Where is it coming from?
That thing that is making my heartbeat faster
That thing that is making it hard to swallow
I want it to show itself
In my head now are memories
Memories of you
Memories of all of them
I truly do love you, all of you
Not a heart I meant to shred
But still I want to see this
This thing that dwells in such grotesque a place
This thing that clutches my heart
This thing that thickens my saliva
This thing that I can't see with my eyes
But feel with every inch upto the end of my hairs

It gets intense now
Heart pounds faster
Pupils dilate
I feel as though I might faint
I clutch at my chest and
And I feel something peering at me
Frozen. I turn around
It is hideous
I want to be sick on its repulsiveness
I grow pale
That monster and me are eye to eye now
His green mishapen body perched upon a broken roman like pillar
He is not very big at all
About 3 feet.

He peers into my thoughts with his red eyes
His razor sharp shark like teeth on display
Sadistic is his grin that beckons me toward him
I speak to this creature
Trying to be as confident as I can
As much as it repulses me I can't deny the sense of familiarity
It has a man's voice but very loud
Every word that comes out of its mouth drains me more
It still smiles at me
Why am I talking to this feindish thing?
I turn to walk away

At the side of my eye I see the green thing go
'Go ego. Leave me. Never come back'
I'm set free!
Blood rushes back to my face and limbs
Till the tips of my hair
Just as my lips curl into a smile
Air is sucked out of me
Eyes wide open
Throat tight
Heart still
One of the doors swing open
I run towards it
There is a body
A body on the floor
I'm trembling all over
'No its not him. It can't be. Please god. No'
I recite this as I get nearer.

Alas! My deepest fear lies before my very eyes
You lie bare and lifeless before me
Green
Poisoned by a monster
I kneel before you my forbidden lover
As you lie there just as you were when we first met
13 years ago
Only now you lay lifeless
Lifeless and green
Greened by the monster
The Egoistic monster that kneels before you

Photoshoot - Lee Ann Maxima

Recently I did a shoot for Le Ann Maxima. Yeah I kinda did mention it before but without elaboration cos well ya know I was talking bout 'eggs' and how you shouldn't count the chickens.
Well the shoot was pretty neat. Loads n loads of outfits that we actually stopped counting after outfit number 4 or 5 or so.
The place where all this took place was at The Eagle Ranch Resort. We left Berjaya Times Square at about 8.45pm the night before. As we entered PD I thought we had already reached, but to my surprise it was a long way more inside PD.
You would expect that we were greated by something 'Western' like cow boy-ish but Noooooooooooo. There were karaokers! (if thats a word) There were 2 different karaoke groups going on at the same time. Both that would make Simon Cowell stare with his eyes wide open in disbelief(yeah that horrified face he does when some people come to the auditions thinking they can actually sing). Oh that's not the best part of it, the song was this Malay song Gadis Melayu or something like that "siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan, tak meranik hati..." (well he did add a "yeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaa" at the end, I would have to give him some credit for that!)

Ok after checking in we drove over to where we were to stay. The Bandwagon. It looked amazing n huge from the outside. We were all excited but then....we soon realised that it houses 4 rooms! We went in and it was really puny. Yong the designer and the one who was incharge of the shoot then asked us if we were ok with it. We were like ..."yea ok" but that's just cos we were being nice.
His other 2 colleague were quick to say "No its not!" and saved the day. Hehe. So the guys got another room. We freshend up and headed for dinner at about 11 ish. We were really famished and worn out that when Yong introduced us all I don't think everyone got everyones name 100%. Well at first I thought maybe its just me...but when I went to the room and asked the girls they didn't get all the names either!
I tried quite hard to sleep that night and when I finally did it was time to wake up already. I was first awakened by my alarm which I purposely set earlier so I could snooze it, but was rudely awakened by some strange alarm that was a strange lady's voice singing a strange song about how she misplaced something.... I swear it was created to annoy you out of sleep. But I dont like to be annoyed out of sleep. So i tried to close my eyes n get a few winks n get up. But no...that woman didn't stop singing! And the worst part is we all seemed to be waiting for each other to wake up first. Finally I was the first to get out of bed.
Since I was the first to get ready I was the first to shoot. After that Aimee joined me. Then Kit. Then we saw the white horse we were to shoot with. At first we were fascinated, then disgusted. Why? It was a male horse, need I say more? I dunno I'm not sexist and I love animals, but I just find male animals obscene... put it away stallion! Thank god that that 'thing' dissapeared in time for the shoot. Dah la i berdiri belakang! eeks!It seemed like it was gona rain and we had what seemed like truck load of outfits to shoot. We actually considered sticking some chilli upright. Its said that that would stop it from raining, I read somewhere that during weddings people actually do that. But maybe a Bomoh would have been a better bet =p
Thanks to the unpredictable weather the shoot progressed faster and faster. Once we were done in the resort we moved on to the sea side. There we panjat-panjat pokok (climb climb trees) and also got bitten by some creature in the sea. I called them sea mosquitoes simply cos that's what I think they are called. heh =p After that it was a wrap just as the sun set! It was perfect timing. When we got back to the car though we discovered that some creep had thrown to girls' slippers into the sea! How evil right? Yong then was the super hero who saved the damsels or rather thier slippers. He walked into the water at high tide, it came up as far as his waist. Kinda scary thing to do for a slipper. Kit was standing at the side shouting "don't". But hero didn't listen and was back with the slippers.
We then ended the trip with a nice seafood dinner and headed back to kl. We stopped by at Syomir's house cos yours truly really really was paralyzed with the need to go wee wee. What can I say his apartment was so gorgeous. Kinda like watching MTV Cribs. Very tasteful! And he also had these 2 fluffy siamese cats that were soooooo OTT adorable. I wana go visit again and take pics! he he

The campaign should be out spring/summer next year. Can't wait =)

Here is my post for Tongue in Chic Mag. Sama tapi sumpah tak serupa =)

Write like a God

It felt great to be part of Mifa! again. Im (mentally) back now with a promise to myself to keep writing even if there is really nothing to write. How do you explain being uninspired? Can anyone tell me? A friend asked me why I haven't been posting up much and I told him I was uninspired...He asked me "why?" At that point I realised it was one of the toughest questions to answer..kinda like why were we put on earth. I paused for a while...frowning...opening my mouth to say something (but my brain hadn't an answer yet)...pause again...then I was like "you can't explain 'Why' you are not inspired! If you could then you would inspire yourself and get back to writing." That answer satisfied him.
Im still fiddling with the thought though...how can one be uninspired when there is so many things going on around her? Maybe sometimes you just need to force youself? If anyone knows please tell me.
Oh by the way the spread in New Tide is out. This is one of the pics....I nicked this off my friend Shirley's Facebook. Yeah Shirley is d one with d sexay lips.... (and also d one that can look like Cris Yong sometimes). Actually this is a spread page...there are another models on the other side..but she just scanned d side she is in..hehe.

Merry Christmas - Fukuoka(down), KS, d sexay Shirley, Me with a whip!

I am also in another 2 pages of the mag. One is another group picture which has us all dressed like in a costume party (and with me holding a whip again!). Fukuoka is a sailor! KS is playing with an apple(?), Shirley is a sexay showgirl and there is a Chipndale dancer, Mistress of d house and Kinky maid. Can't picture it? Go get d magazine already! In d second pic....Im like..er..Beyonce-ish...don't wana explain anymore. Pegi beli!

Also do checkout Tongue in Chic, Aizat interviewed me =)

I got to say I was very honoured when he asked if he could interview me for an article fot TIC. I was like 'hell yeah!'. I first got to know about him when I left the 'Dreamhome'. I stumbled upon his page and learned that he had written about me, supported me and had a lot of believe and and hope for me ~_~

Me n Aizat at McD after my last show at Mifa!

Here is the link to the interview
http://www.tonguechic.com/articles/749-Upcomi%20ng-Aberami-Jaishana-aka-Jay

Here is Aizat's page
http://aizatcintagoddess.blogspot.com/

I will also be contributing a post for TIC related to Mifa! That should be out soon too. Till then, I will try to keep my spirits up and hopefully be inspired to write like a God. heh.

Shots from Mifa 08

It was great to be back for the second time. In no particular order...........

Dilla, Sun and Me - Wearing T-Ra


Last Day at Mifa - with Aizat Aidid - Lego dress n shoes by Winson Tan

With Idan

In PU 3 Garb - That's Jimmy Lim in the background staring at me. Btw PU3 is created by twin sisters from Malaysia.

Getting Make Up - Wearing Khairi's Baju

Wearing Herman's Design (Mifa Young Designer) - I usually don't get the cutsie frilly dresses. They were so dreamy

Me and Laura wearing Dou Ze

Finale walk with Winson Tan

In Elanor's design

Amir Luqman's ensamble

I loike it - its cute and cool!

Hatta Dolmat's Dark Garden

I promise to share my experience at mifa! very soon.